Progress

I am not one who likes pictures taken of myself, especially when I am not looking my best.  I am normally the one wielding the camera, too, but I must admit that is on purpose. :)  I just never liked to see "the truth".  I wanted to stay in denial.  I was CONVINCED that I didn't look as large as I was, or as sad as I did, or as ____ as I did (you fill in the blank with what you like, it was probably true at some point).  Well, that really wasn't the case (the camera doesn't lie as much as we like to think it does), and sometimes it's good to see the truth.

*Takes a deep breath*

Ok.  It's time to get truthful.  I don't like it.  It hurts my pride.  However, I think I need to - for me.

I will be posting pictures, most of which I don't want to share, but I need to remind myself where I was, where I want to be, etc.  It will help me stay focused to my commitment and remind me that nothing is impossible with God. :)

Here is my first picture:

 

This picture was taken back in 2005, if my records are correct.  I was around 265 here, and quite miserable.  I wasn't a Christian and my marriage was in a rough spot.  Looking back, I am so grateful for my boys during this time because they kept me from leaving my family, from ruining my life.  I know some of you may be shocked to read that, but that's truly where I was at that point in my life.  I thought losing the weight was the key to my happiness here, too.

Picture number 2:

Fast forward to 2007.  I was around 150-155 here.  This was just a month or so before I was saved.  Things were still rocky, but they were improving at least family-wise.  I was a mess due to my paranoia about food, and I was beginning to realize that joy didn't come from being thin.  My hubby never gave up on me, though, and loved me through it all.  In fact, he's the one that I turned to when I decided to ask the Lord for forgiveness, when I realized I needed to accept Christ's payment on the cross, when I realized I needed a Savior...My husband is the one who walked me through the passages in the Bible and prayed with me.  He is truly an amazing man!  I love him so much!  I don't know where I'd be without him.

Picture 3:

This was taken in April of 2012.  I was not at my new heaviest, but I'm not 100% sure what my weight is here.  I'm guessing I was around 220, maybe 230.  This is before the Fibromyalgia.  I was happy with life, but not with my health as far as weight went.  I was trying my old tried and true methods to weight loss, but they weren't working like I'd hoped.  This was around the time I was beginning to go to the doctor's and telling them about my fatigue.  This was also the time where my marriage had started making huge strides towards amazing!  I had worked through my personal issues (that took a LONG time, and there were lots of ups and downs), and was able to open-up with my husband more, and we are still doing so very much better than we were even then.  I closed the door on some bad habits, and I am so glad I did!  God is now where He should be in my life, and my family is all the much better off for it, and so am I. :)

Picture 4:

This was taken the end of May, 2012.  My weight was now up to 235, if not higher (My weight peaked at it's highest since 2005 in July of this year (2012) at 245 before it went back down to 240ish, being 241 on August 1st.).  This was just over 2 months before my Fibromyalgia diagnosis, and just 2 weeks before my first major Fibromyalgia symptoms began (i.e. joint pain, weakness, stomach issues, headaches).  It was at this time that I was determined to get my life back without meds, by using diet and exercise and prayer to regain my health, and to be the example everyone thought I was.  Oh, I was a good person, I loved my family, etc., but I hadn't and still haven't arrived.  I am still working on my personal walk with God, my relationship with my hubby, on being a good mommy, on being a good friend/sister/daughter, etc.  I know I will never be perfect, but I can at least be real and genuinely care.  I always have been one to want to help and be there, but I had twisted motives - there was that part of me that wanted to be recognized or feel good for doing it.  Now my main motive is just to be a blessing, and that has made all the difference in the world!

Last Picture:

This was taken today with my fantastic webcam.  I mean just look at the amazing quality. LOL :)  I think this captures the thinker in me.  I had some nice ones of smiles and such, but this one shows the true me.  I am the thinker, the solver, the planner.  I am quiet and watchful.  I can be the happy, cheerful type, too, but this is who I really am.

Today I am 228 lbs.  I've lost (if you count my brief time at 245) 17 lbs. overall, 7 of that since August 5, 2012 when I started My Calorie Counter, just 3 days before my Fibromyalgia diagnosis.  I have also lost 10 1/2 inches overall since August 11th.  I'm thinking that the whole, natural food diet, the light exercise, and all the other changes I am making are working, don't you?

I tell you, these pictures showed me something amazing.  When I was 265, I was miserable, and I thought it was because I was fat.  I was able to get skinny, and I was still miserable, so my weight wasn't the issue.  While I was skinny, I got saved and found out what true happiness was all about.  I started to gain weight again, which upset me, but I was still happy because my marriage was getting better and I now had God in my life.  When I was at my heaviest in 7 years, my life got flipped upside down but I was still able to stand because I now had a Savior and my family firmly planted in my life.  Now that I have the right focus - keeping God first, then my family, and striving to be the best I can be for Him and them - I am able to lose the weight I need to and am getting healthier every day, being more pain-free without meds every day, being overall better every day...and I couldn't be more thrilled!  Now that is progress.

May you have an amazing weekend!

(This post was originally posted on my original site, Fibro, Fit and Fab!)